From: tbpic1@aurora.cc.monash.edu.au (Tim Pickett)
Subject: Re: Simon and Garfunkel (was Re: This is a test
umisef@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Bernd Meyer) writes:
>So let's go for "there must be 50 ways to leave your editor" :-)
All right, you've got a deal. Memories of trying to quit an editor in
VMS that I didn't understand . . . (A bad song this for parodying. It
makes it sound like I can't make words scan, even though I'm referring
to the sheet music in front of me.)
The problem is all inside your ed(1), she sed(1) to me,
But the answer is emacs if you like C-x C-c,
I'm here to help you if you're struggling to use free(),
There must be fifty ways to leave your editor.
She said, `I hope your print job doesn't get dequeued,
I hope that you've stocked up lots of vending machine food.
But I'll repeat myself - have you gone and colon-q'd?
There must be fifty ways to leave your editor.
Fifty ways to leave your editor.'
Just press control-K, Ray,
Try double-Z, Fred,
You're still in insert, Bert,
So hit control-C.
Press meta-x, Lex,
Then type, `exit-quit-leave'
Or else just suspend, friend,
and kill(1) it with glee.
She said, `It grieves me now to stty(1) sane,
I wish there was somthing I could do to see your prompt again,'
I said, "I appreciate that,' and started to complain
About the fifty ways.
She said, `Why don't we both just sleep(1) on it tonight?
I'm sure in the morning you'll be sick of reading Byte.'
And then she warned me not to be a power-cycling neophyte,
There must be fifty ways to leave your editor.
Fifty ways to leave your editor.
(Repeat chorus)
2. Addicted to vi
Title : Addicted To Vi
Original : Addicted To Love
Group : Robert Palmer
Author : Chuck Musciano
Intro : After thinking about that poor wretch who has become
addicted to vi, I was inspired to compose the following
ditty, sung to the tune of "Addicted To Love" by Robert
Palmer. As you sing this, it may help the effect to imagine
a dozen women, all of whom resemble Bill Joy, dressed in
black and dancing sinuously.
Song :
Addicted To Vi
(with apologies to Robert Palmer)
You press the keys with no effect,
Your mode is not correct.
The screen blurs, your fingers shake;
You forgot to press escape.
Can't insert, can't delete,
Cursor keys won't repeat.
You try to quit, but can't leave,
An extra "bang" is all you need.
You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!
You edit files one at a time;
That doesn't seem too out of line?
You don't think of keys to bind--
A meta key would blow your mind.
H, J, K, L? You're not annoyed?
Expressions must be a Joy!
Just press "f", or is it "t"?
Maybe "n", or just "g"?
Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!
Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!
You press the keys without effect,
Your life is now a wreck.
What a waste! Such a shame!
And all you have is vi to blame.
Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!
Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!
3. Santa Claus Learns Unix
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | grep bad || good
for (goodness sake) {be good}
echo "Oh,"
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus
4. Command Line Jokes.
1. % make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
2. % got a light?
No match.
3. % sleep with me
bad character
4. % man: Why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
5. % rm God
rm: God nonexistent
6. % make 'heads or tails of all this'
Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.
7. % make sense
Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.
8. % make mistake
Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.
9. % make bottle.open
Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.
10. % \(-
(-: Command not found.
11. % rm -i God
rm: remove God? y
% ls God
God not found
% make light
Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.
12. % date me
You are not superuser: date not set
Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988
13. % man rear
No manual entry for rear.
14. % If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.
15. % * How would you describe Bill Clinton
*: Ambiguous.
16. % %Vice-President
%Vice-President: No such job.
17. % ls Meese-Ethics
Meese-Ethics not found
18. % "How would you rate Reagan's senility?
Unmatched ".
19. % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
20. % ^How did the^sex change operation go?
Modifier failed.
21. % cp /dev/null sex;chmod 000 sex
% more sex
sex: Permission denied
% strip show
strip: show: Permission denied
22. % who is my match?
No match.
23. % set i="DemocraticPlatform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
DemocraticPlatform unreadable
24. % awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line
25. % %blow
%blow: No such job.
26. % 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.
27. $ test my argument
test: too many arguments
28. $ "Amelia Earhart"
Amelia Earhart: not found
29. $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
30. $ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate
5. Error Messages
1. “Values of B will give rise to dom.”
2. FATAL system error #nnnn CAUSE: We should never get here!
3. OHHHH…. I give up Core dumped
4. COMPILER UNABLE TO ABORT
5. AN ATTEMPT WAS MADE TO WRITE BEYOND THE MAXIMUM ASSIGNED SPACE FOR A MASS STORAGE FILE. AN ATTEMPT WAS MADE TO EXPAND A MASS STORAGE FILE BEYOND THE MAXIMUM ASSIGNED SPACE. A READ FUNCTION FOR A MASS STORAGE FILE SPECIFIED AN ADDRESS (WORD 5 OF THE I/O PACKET) THAT IS BEYOND THE MAXIMUM ASSIGNED SPACE. A READ OR WRITE FUNCTION FOR A WORD-ADDRESSABLE MASS STORAG FILE SPECIFIED A MASS STORAGE ADDRESS (WORD 5 OF THE I/O PACKET) AND A TOTAL DATA COUNT. WHEN THE MASS STORAGE ADDRESS IS ADDED TO THE TOTAL DATA COUNT, THE RESULTING ENDING MASS STORAGE ADDRESS IS GREATER THAN 2*/35-1. A READ OR WRITE FUNCTION FOR A SECTOR-FORMATTED MASS STORAGE FILE SPECIFIED A MASS STORAGE ADDRESS (WORD 5 OF THE I/O PACKET) THAT IS GREATER THAN 2*/30-1. ADI ONLY: REFERENCE ATTEMPTED BEYOND THE ASSIGNED FILE WHEN THE FILE IS CONFIGURED AS A FH-432 OR FH-1782 DRUM.
6. ERROR: A really big XXXX UP has been detected !!
7. Momentaraly writing while seeking..
Constantly writing while seeking..
Momentaraly writing while reading..
8. initstate: not enough state (%d bytes) with which to do jack; ignored.
9. “Keyboard not present, press any key”
10. “You lied to me when you told me this was a program”
11. “PROGRAMMER GOOFED . . . YOU SHOULD NEVER SEE THIS MESSAGE”
12. YOU CAN’T DO THAT!
13. Man the Lifeboats! Women and children first!
14. $ make :== $ sys$system:teco32 make
$ make love
Not war?
15. That makes 100 errors; please try again.
16. You can now delete more, or insert, or whatever.
17. Sorry, I don’t know how to help in this situation.
18. Maybe you should try asking a human?
19. Sorry, I already gave what help I could…
20. An error might have occurred before I noticed any problems.
21. If all else fails, read the instructions.
22. This can’t happen.
23. I’m broken. Please show this to someone who can fix can fix
24. I can’t go on meeting you like this.
25. One of your faux pas seems to have wounded me deeply.. in fact, I’m barely conscious. Please fix it and try again.
26. Interruption
27. You rang?
28. IMPOSSIBLE.
29. NONEXISTENT.
30. ETC.
31. BAD.
32. A funny symbol that I can’t read has just been input. Continue, and I’ll forget that it ever happened.
33. I suspect you’ve forgotten a `}’, causing me to apply this control sequence to too much text. How can we recover? My plan is to forget the whole thing and hope for the best.
34. I dddon’t go any higher than filll.
35. Dimensions can be in units of em, ex, in, pt, pc, cm, mm, dd, cc, bp, or sp; but yours is a new one!
36. Something Rotten in Denmark, Interp Stack Not ALigned
37.
38. bad magic number
39. “very funny”
40. “Unexpected ‘;’, expecting ‘;’”
41. You can’t do that in horizontal mode.
42. “COMPILER THWARTED”
43. “Keyboard error or no keyboard present. Press F1 to continue.”
44. “Argument is bletchful.”
45. “Guru Meditation”
46. “lint’s little mind is blown.”
47. “Hot Damn! You need more ram!”
48. String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters, that’s 3 more than ANSI said I should)
49. And the lord said, ‘lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside a switch statement’a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program
50. You can’t modify a constant, float upstream, win an argument with the IRS, or satisfy this compiler
51. This struct already has a perfectly good definitiontype in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I know you don’t care, I’m just trying to annoy you)
52. Can’t cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says so, that’s why)
53. Huh ?
54. can’t go mucking with a ‘void *’
55. we already did this function
56. This label is the target of a goto from outside of the block containing this label AND this block has an automatic variable with an initializer AND your window wasn’t wide enough to read this whole error message
57. Call me paranoid but finding ‘/*’ inside this comment makes me suspicious
58. Symbol table full - fatal heap error; please go buy a RAM upgrade from your local Apple dealer
59. “It seem you are trying to check the output from a word-processor. Not only does this not make sense, but you would probably damage the file
60. if you tried so I am not going to let you do this!”
61. It looks like the active file is messed up. Contact your news administrator and leave the “bogus” groups alone, and they may come back to normal. Maybe.
62. Attention K-Mart shoppers: Blue Light special in out SYSTEM UTILITIES department. for the next 10 days we will be taking requests for the utilities that you think should be here. Thank you again for shopping K-Mart.
63. “Things are not looking good!”
64. “I didn’t think this set of error conditions could ever happen”
65. “Now deleting all files. Goodbye”
66. “file has bad magic.”
67. “Hi Linda! We wondered how long it would take, for you to mess up this bad.”
68. “The running master will not die…”
69. “Shut ‘er down, Clancy, she’s a-pumpin’ mud!”
70. An error has occured on the error logging device.
71. “Out of order”
72. “Hey are you talking to me? Try again!”
73. “Invalid command. Feel ashamed for yourself and try again.”
74. “Of all the commands available you picked the wrong one!”
75. “Shut her down, Scotty, she’s sucking mud again!”
76. ERROR 1164 HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE
77. WARNING: FILE GENERATED THE FILE WHICH WAS SPECIFIED AS THE ‘COPY TO’ OR DESTINATION FILE WAS NOT THERE AND WAS THEREFORE GENERATED BY JOBCONTROL. IF YOU DID NOT MEAN TO COPY TO A NEW FILE ELIMINATE THE FILE.
78. NO ACCESS FOR $TOAD SERVICE A USER PROGRAM MADE A CALL TO A $TOAD SERVICE AND THE USER DOES NOT HAVE THE PROPER ACCESS TO BIT TO USE THAT SERVICE. ACCESS RESTRICTIONS ARE PLACED ON THE $TOADS SERVICES IN GENERAL, AND $CPRIOR, $PABORT, AND $SUSP FOR INDIVIDUAL RESTRICTIONS. JOBCNTRL ER 2167 : NO ACCESS TO VULCANIZE PROGRAM
79. AN ATTEMPT HAS BEEN MADE TO VULCANIZE A REAL-TIME, MONITOR, OR NRH
TYPE PROGRAM, OR A PROGRAM WITH HIGH ACCESS, ACCOUNTING FILE ACCESS,
OR SUB-SYSTEM ACCESS. THE VULCANIZE REQUEST IS IGNORED BECAUSE THE
USER DOES NOT HAVE ACCESS TO GENERATE SUCH A PROGRAM.
80. IT’S NOT NICE TO FOOL POP!
81. YOU JUST TRIED TO FAKE-OUT MOTHER NATURE, AND SHE CAUGHT YOU! SUPER-VULCAN NOW HAS YOUR NAME ON HIS ENEMY LIST, AND YOU CAN BE CERTAIN THAT FUTURE ATTEMPTS TO RESOURCE LFN 0,3,OR 6 WILL RESULT IN YOUR BEING ABORTED, SPINDLED, MANGLED, FOLDED, PUNCHED, DELETED, AND DEALLOCATED.
82. PROGRAM FILE DESTROYED. THE PROGRAM HAS BEEN ABORTED DUE TO INCONSISTENCIES IN THE INFORMATION GENERATED BY THE VULCANIZER. THE DISC COPY OF THE PROGRAM MAY HAVE BEEN
DESTROYED OR THE PROGRAM MAY NOT HAVE BEEN RE-VULCANIZED AFTER A MAJOR SYSTEM RELEASE. IN ANY CASE RE-VULCANIZE THE PROGRAM (RLIBS ALSO).
83. minor alarm
84. major alarm
85. critical alarm
86. alarm system failure alarm
87. This application has violated system integrity and must be terminated.
88. “You are a charlatan.”
89. “Go away. You don’t exist.”
90. Tsk tsk? Have I been a bad computer?
91. line 2706 compiler error: schain botch
92. Are you lonely?
93. Anyone have a better memory of this than I do?
94. ?NO ERROR
95. I give up…. dumping core now!
96. For heavens sake, doesn’t anyone just talk anymore?
97. Not tonight, I’ve got a headache.
98. I beg your pardon?
99. Your place or mine?
100. FORTRAN FATAL INTERNAL ERROR FATAL COMPILER DAMAGE REPORT FOLLOWS
101. ?Invalid Character At Terminal — Please Go Away
102. ?Unibus timeout — send in a new quarterback
103. ?Ouch, That HURTS!
104. You must be joking.
105. Error: Error ocurred when attempting to print error message.
106. Error #1: Power supply not found”
107. ERROR 0: POWER NOT ON
108. Break Rob’s knuckles
109. “You can tune a filesystem, but you can’t tuna fish”
110. $ man fish
Don’t say “fish”, Bishop. It doesn’t mean anything.
111. $ man overboard
BUGS: No life raft
112. “Oops! Error while handling error!”
113. Can’t find wicked faraway objects.
114. Can’t fit 27? tape through 25? door.
115. “Invalid Error”.
116. “code has no effect”
117. “No message, no subject; hope that’s ok.”
118. I the most critical examiner of all have determined that there is an error on line 42.
119. Parity Error But Segment Doesn’t Found
120. MORE CORE AVAILABLE, BUT NOT FOR YOU
121. Shannon and Bill say this can’t happen”);
122. PUNT
123. ‘Weird magic happens here’.
124. “Thou hast new mail.”
125. Too much “sourcing” going on.
126. Okie dokie
127. Mail’s idea of conditions is screwed up
128. ~h: no can do!?
129. Too many regrets
130. detract asked to insert commas
131. metoo
132. Somethings amiss — no @ or % in arpafix
133. Made up bad net name
134. ubluit
135. Who are you!?
136. ; why =
137. “The impossible has happened!”
138. Beam me up Scotty, there’s no life out here.
139. “NO ERRORS DETECTED”.
140. NO COMPILER DETECTED ERRORS.
141. Holy Panes Batman, the window’s missing!
142. “Holy PH, Batman, the buffer’s missing!”
143. “Holy Vectors Batman, I can’t get more lines!”
144. “System Error - Sureness out of Bounds”
145. Mysterious Error -nnn
146. Internal Error: Illegal hedge TV number. (huh?? what?!)
147. Internal Error: BlinkThere or HiliteThere messed up.
148. Bad External File System: Boy, is your system messed up.
149. Hodie natus est radici frate
“Today unto the root is born a brother’”
150. Looks like mere mortals are trying to enter the Twilight Zone
151. FATAL: Major security hack. Notify Administrator.
152. Identity problems, eh ?
153. Error: Bad SLAB magic!
154. ’tis is no game for mere mortals
155. Go away and get a life
156. Death before dishonour ?
157. Dave, don’t do that…
158. Good afternoon, gentelman, I’m a HAL 9000 Computer
159. Only few mortals may try to enter the Twiligth Zone
160. Only real wizzards know the spells to open the gate of paradize
161. Trying to unlock the door twice eh ?
162. Use the force, Luke !
163. Change balls, please
164. Bad Craziness - Error reported to webmaster - please hang up and try again.
165. “NONE of your errors have been found”
166. “Well, you ran into something and the game is over.”
167. “Unused error message #xxx”
168. “FALL DOWN GO BOOM”
169. Data potato doo-wop doo-wop
170. Okie dokie, core dumped.bash
171. Puke.
172. spurious multibus interrupt
173. EDOTDOT!!!!
174. Your guess is probably much better than mine.
175. You wascal wabbit! Wandering wizards won’t win!
176. savemail: HELP!!!!
177. Who are you ?
178. MAIL DELETED BECAUSE OF LACK OF DISK SPACE
179. Can’t suspend a login shell (yet).
180. EH?
181. You are a charlatan, bordeaux.kpno.noao.edu
182. “Your expression has defeated me”
183. “Your formula has defeated me”
184. WARNING: 54 - PROGRAM NOT RECURSIVE
185. Help is not available for you.
186. Masscomp C compiler:”Insane structure member list”
187. User Error: An unknown error has occurred in an unidentified program while executing an unimplemented function at an undefined address. Correct error and resubmit.
188. Liar, Liar! Pants on Fire!
189. Error: Success
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